Loss of Small Meanings

A serious question, meanings lost, they flew away. The tiny ones, which were held onto. Professional meaninglessness, should it be avoided? Or, on the contrary, should one somehow grasp onto it so as not to invent other concerns for oneself?

Living in meaninglessness? How is this? What does it provide? Does it bring one closer to something grand? Something bright or true? Viktor Frankl would have said that a person quickly disappears if he lacks meaning. And Nietzsche would have remarked that if you know the 'why', then the 'how' hardly matters.

This seems true. But should one cling to everything that comes to hand? Or should one try to be a good housewife, nurturing children and blessing everyone with her love? This is compatible and close to my main life's meaning. But there are some perhaps natural barriers that prevent full commitment. The need or vision of some social-organizing function. To do something, to create, to decide, to issue something. And, undoubtedly, undoubtedly it's meaningful, and that which aligns with personal purpose.

Meaning - love. Actions - ???? Why are all actions meaningless? What's happening to them, what's that about? I once considered myself healthy.

A good test, I truly don’t know what to do, how is a different question. So after this crisis, there will be a sequence of tasks:

1. Clean up – done, feeling joy.
2. Then, for example, sort out the inbox and wait for it to fill - done and life is under control.
3. Plan socially useful things! - Done. The world is ahead! You can run!

Here the cycle is closed. Because all this planning/cleaning is just an imitation, suggesting life is under control.

But it really doesn't want to be under control. And it won't be. Because fundamentally - we are all mortal, and there's nothing to do about that, everything else is just intermediate stages.

So, what to do? Clean up, or not? I paused for a few minutes. Ksyusha came in, wanted to play. I said I was very busy. "I don’t know what to do." And she says: well if you don’t know what to do, you could play with me.

And a thought slipped by: "Unfavorable," but can something else be achieved in this game? Some additional benefit. This "benefit", for its sake, wastes life, wastes meaning, wastes the "here and now."

Is there such a type of sinners: "profit-lovers"?
It seems to me, a prevalent disease now.