"Hello everyone, I've finally mustered the courage to write!
Actually, no, life pressed me so much that I had to come out of my shell. Besides, it's not even me writing this text, but some guy, a friend of my husband's. All because I don't write texts, I make awesome... "

I felt a great emotion when I revealed myself in this way (as the invisible author of the advertisement) and those who would post such an ad. To write in the name of a girl, and then in the text itself admit that the writer is a man, and then continue writing in the name of the girl. The lie in the text is disclosed by sincerity (hyper-sincerity), and then continues with falsehood. All this arises in my head, a kind of turmoil with mixed feelings.

That's often how it was with me. It used to be even more frequent.

Hyper-Sincerity is just that, formally sincerity. It pursues something bigger, something else. Because hyper-sincerity isn't self-sufficient. I feel it's an emotional-manipulative moment when, saying sincerely and very sincerely, we pursue some unspoken (or better yet, explicitly stated) objectives. This creates a sort of brew that transports us to the emotional realm.

The reader or listener pays attention to this; they are not defended against such moves because they begin to feel the state possibly felt by the person who wrote that text or says those things. They understand how they would feel if they wrote or said something similar. And it moves them; they witness something quite uncomfortable, something worth noticing.

And here I wanted to write that the author of all this doesn't feel anything. But I paused and felt. Feels, indeed. This combination of feelings inspires and energizes.

In general, hyper-sincerity made me strong when I was afraid of being exposed for lying. Or when there was something that could be revealed in me, something very painful. I strive to vocalize it through hyper-sincerity and stop being afraid.

A person who neither defends nor flees from fear might not need to use hyper-sincerity. And it would be good to live without the strain of hyper-sincerity. I think I'm on the way to that.

Today, I met an unusual Belarusian abroad. One who, not being an immigrant or a wanderer, found himself beyond the border. A bus driver.

I asked for the Wi-Fi password. He gestured with his hands and said: There's no password. Then he clarified that there's no Wi-Fi either. But if something is really critical, they'll help out.

There was warmth in him and a detachment from political issues. He probably has his own thoughts. But he lives, breathes, travels from one end to the other. Helps people. Just a regular, unique, warm, wonderful person. And I missed such an environment. Almost forgot how it feels. And today, I felt the breath of Belarus. I don't want to lose this piece of Belarus. I want to keep it in my heart.

I remember that day well.
Mom said with a soulful voice:
The moment has come!
I was very nervous.

And dad called her a taxi.
They quickly packed a bag.
Everything was very rushed.
And Mom disappeared through the doors.

Then I remember the nervousness.
Friends kept coming to see my dad.
They sat in the hall, had fun,
And played chess with me.

I clearly remember that moment
Amidst the celebration,
It was time for me
To go to bed.

In the small bed
In the bedroom,
There was a radio hanging
A lamp with a shade.

Dad and I went there.
I was falling asleep,
And he stood there,
Saying something warm.

I felt deep down,
His love,
And that moment,
I remembered.

Then I remember in the darkness,
Standing by the windows,
Waving to mom even though
We could barely see her.

Then the house lit up with sunlight,
And Vanya appeared in the house.
And here I am, speaking...
Telling the story of my family.

I get lost, hide, rejoice, but I can't find my place. This usually happens when our eyes meet, when I feel something very pleasant and touching. It was like that yesterday. Dasha wrote such a poem: [link to the poem]. And she read it to me, eye to eye. I freeze and barely contain the turbulence inside me. It's hard to find words to describe what's happening inside me. I feel like I'm hearing something I don't deserve. As if it's a mistake. And then a moment passes, and this sweet mirage dissipates. It seems that this can't be true. The pleasant can't be real. These words, eye to eye, make me feel exposed. They pierce and highlight all my imperfections. They scream, feeling dangerously heavy and uncomfortable.

And again, we return to Joy-Existence. How hard it is to return to "Unique joy-existence", to the greatest value of "You are a Human!". Regardless of achievements, appearance, character, or intelligence. "I am a human!" - and that's enough. Nothing can give us more than this word. Starting with this "I am a Human", one can Live, Love, and be loved, rejoice, search, and find. And nothing else is needed. No conditions, statuses, or parameters. This is enough; starting with this, one can Live!

I'll say Yes to Life! I'll say to my Beloved - Thank you, my dear, for being!

Not the money I earn,
Not achievements or performances,
Not travels,
Not growth,
Not work,
Not code,
Not skills,
Not things,
And not diplomas on the wall.

What makes me strong is, That I love you.

Thank you, my dear, for inspiring love with love.

Here they are, growing out of one pot. Brothers and sisters to each other. Beautiful and slightly different. Leaning away from each other a bit. Someone said - towards the sun. But not just towards the sun. They need space for themselves. They need some safe distance and uniqueness. Just like people. It's their right. And it doesn't diminish love. It's like looking at paintings; you don't get much if you press your nose against them. The same goes for relationships; there needs to be some space. To breathe deeply. To see more around you. And here they are together: Curved and straight, opened and not, closer and farther from the sun. Giving warmth and joy to us. Simply because they exist. I hope that we also bring joy to God just by our existence. This is our primary achievement and our main value. We exist!

Last evening, Lyuba packed Ksyusha's backpack with full confidence that she would go to school tomorrow. She woke up almost first, insisted on getting dressed, put on her backpack, and went with Ksyusha to sit in the car, arrived at the school, greeted the headmistress. And then she went back to the car. They didn't take her in again. But they promised to admit her soon. Then, I bargained with Lyuba for a walk in the foggy forest in exchange for yogurt. After that, I also bargained to climb into the watchtower.

She was the first one who came and ascended to a place so dear to me. I embrace you, my beloved daughter, thank you for your trust and gentle nature.

Many of my photos are from the bike path that became last year's discovery. However, I haven't written anything about it. It starts at the edge of Szczytno and stretches 35 km in one direction, through forests, fields, and lakes, past roads and settlements. It used to be a railway track in the past. And the path unofficially begins from the current railway. About 7 km from the start of the path, there is an abandoned station called Ochodno. During today's trip, I decided to photograph it.

Note: The translation might not capture the exact nuance or poetic nature of the original text but aims to convey the primary meaning and emotion behind the words.

Before, you might wake up in the middle of the night, your thoughts racing, knowing it will be hard to fall back asleep. And so, you'd go to the computer to work. You'd work, get tired, then return to bed...

Now it's different, now it's interesting to walk at night, especially when there's a lot of snow, and through the window, it seems as if it's already daytime because everything is so bright.

So, tonight, on the eve of the Nativity of Christ, I'm walking along with cleaning equipment, and from a new perspective, I'm discovering a small town.

I wish you a Merry Christmas, the birth of Jesus Christ!

Note: Translations might not capture the exact nuance of the original text but aim to convey the primary meaning and emotion behind the words.

I hadn't taken a walk in a long time. I had become stagnant. My spirit had grown moldy from the daily routine. And then the Sun, along with the Mist, awakened me to life again. This was a few weeks ago, the day before Christmas on December 25th. My car was all iced up, so I couldn't drive to the starting point of my usual path. I just trudged straight towards it. At some point, I no longer wanted to head to my usual path; I just wanted to walk towards the sun. And so, I walked, taking new routes, discovering new landscapes. God gifted me the sight of a miraculous display of beauty once again. Powerful rays of light passed through my body, warming my heart, giving it hope and joy. I was deeply moved. And I remember that moment with gratitude now.

Advice: Even when you're walking towards the sun, don't get stuck in the mud. You can use your brain and slightly bypass the danger and dirt.

What do I want to do for love?
So I don't bend,
By the temptations that deep down,
Make no sense to exist.

That do not nourish, do not give life,
But only temptingly buzz.
Like the jingle of coins in the distance,
Like deceit in my soul.

It becomes a sin when I,
Chasing after something else,
Jeopardize my own soul,
In the desire for eternal life.

Today, there was such a walk in the forest, where I met myself.

Appeal to Discipline on the 1st Day of the Year

My beloved is ill today,
Pain has come, but there's no fear.
For like yesterday, she walks and drinks,
Even though her back hurts a lot.

Because she doesn't want to think about the terrible,
Because she doesn’t want to admit it…
That waking up tomorrow morning,
I won't be able to kiss her.

Everything will pass with joys and excitements,
Life will be completely different.
And I'll be tormented by unhappiness,
Because of what wasn't there before.

My beloved is ill today,
Pain has come, and that fear arose.
I'll run, hug, and we'll embrace.
We'll kiss with joy, wow!

- - - - - 
A few days later, Dasha got better. All is well!

K.S.Petrashka / Szczytno / 10 Nov 2022