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MY DEEPEST DESIRE

The search for a true eternal Desire that runs through my entire being and beckons me to Life.

Online meeting with Irvin Yalom

Today was a wonderful day. I felt like a part of the international community of existential psychotherapists and philosophers. It is deeply moving when my values and essential thoughts about life find reflection in people from different eras, cultures, and continents.

We started at 10 AM, and with short breaks, we went on throughout the whole day, touching on various aspects of human nature and the challenges humanity faces in today’s world. We finished only at 10 PM, unable to part for a long time.

It was very emotional to be present during the awarding of the Socratic Medal to Dr. Paul T. P. Wong and Irvin Yalom (whose parents were Jews from Belarus).

Irvin Yalom is the author of the book Existential Therapy, as well as many other remarkable books that have inspired countless people to enter this field of psychotherapy. Seeing him (93 years old) in live-call was touching. His son Ben Yalom introduced him and is currently publishing a book co-written with his father.

This was a historic day for me be on the same Zoom screen with Irvin Yalom. A historic day when, during the congratulations, I could greet him on behalf of Belarus, the homeland of his parents (because unfortunately, everywhere it is written that they were from Russia).

I am glad that in my professional life, I can walk alongside people who inspire with their example of love, the depth of relationships, the depth of experiencing life, and an honest view of death as a part of human nature.

First Sketch

I’m excited to explore how I can connect sketchnoting to my life. To start, I’ve created a little story about what I Love.

Moving towards an authentic life

For the past week, I've been recording videos of myself cooking. Each day, I managed to prepare a new interesting but simple dish. Today, I thought about editing and posting it. But things didn't work out. Although I managed to stick these clips into CapCut templates, it wasn't at all what I expected. I wanted to add some interesting thoughts as subtitles because I was cooking a beautiful piece of red fish, which, admittedly, had been lying in the fridge and was two days past its expiration date. The cooking visuals were beautiful, and the taste was good, but I didn't let anyone but myself eat it. In some cases, the visuals weren't as appealing, but the taste was wonderful, and everyone really enjoyed it. So, I decided not to shoot any more food videos. I lost interest. Especially since the tastiest dish of the week was Dasha's Pecan Pie, not my fried crayfish.

I don't want to film myself talking about something either. I had experience recording introductions for some of my videos. It was very difficult, taking more than ten takes, and felt more like an imitation than a sincere speech. However, I find writing text to be very sincere and authentic for me. When you write, you confront yourself, traveling to yourself on paper. This reflection reveals something new about yourself. In short, I decided to write more and do less on camera.

But for conversations with other people, video works well. Though audio might be even better. Like a podcast format, for example.

And for forests or kayaking, it's better to go without a phone. But if you bring a camera, you can take photos and videos.

So, this is how I've distributed the content formats I plan to create:
- thoughts and reflections from myself - write text
- conversations with others - audio / video
- fog / forest / kayak - video / photo

 

Clean up!

Today, we made a sacrifice to the god of cleanliness.

Maaam, are you playing?

Luba builds different games out of Lego, then brings them to Dasha for her to play. She herself returns to building new ones and keeps one eye on making sure that mom continues to play. If Dasha is not actively playing, she reminds her: "Maaam, are you plaing?" I hide in the sofa so that I'm not forced to play. Dasha quietly sneaks away, warning me not to tell Luba about that. Yesterday was cleaning day.

Timely - a story about my driver's license.

Yesterday we stayed up late and started reading to the children closer to 9 PM, first Dasha read comics, then I read about life in the forest, then cosmic music, and finally around 10:30 PM the children fell asleep.

My eyes were already closing, but I wanted to idle a bit more, so we watched two episodes of "Fresh Off the Boat". In general, we love TV series / movies / anime about Asians. They have very characteristic expressions. Sometimes you can recognize yourself and your culture there.

I was almost falling asleep, just no energy left. But Dasha suggests, "Hey, let's go to McDonald's if it's still open" (because in our small town nothing else works at night). The offer was so unusual and tempting that I quickly woke up. We set up a camera to watch the children. And we got dressed and jumped in the car.

Halfway there, a police car stopped us, turning on the flashers. It turned out that one of the rear lights. I was savoring my encounter with the traffic police. But I was a little nervous. The policemen studied all my documents for a long time, especially the expiration date of my license. And it still has 15 years until expiration! They sent us off in peace, wishing us all the best!

The thing is, for the last two and a half years I had been driving with an expired license, which I couldn't replace. And during this time, I was never stopped. Every time I drove past a traffic police car, my heart would skip a beat, cold sweat would break out. The fines are big. And when I drove with a kayak on the roof, when I saw traffic police cars, I would stop and turn around to take another road.

My story with the driver's license in Poland is just a huge legal dead end. They couldn't change my old one, and they couldn't allow me to study for a new one (because the old one was in the database). And I wrote many letters, and a senator stood up for me, and various lawyers, and about 3 months ago they finally told me - we can't do anything, just go to Belarus.

But a month ago I flew to Georgia to get a license there (no need to study, no residence permit required). Pay and take the test. It didn't work out on the first try, so I had to fly again, which was a successful attempt.

I'm grateful to God that He somehow protected me all this time.

And I'm even more grateful to Him for teaching me to live by breaking rules and laws.

Because life doesn't always fit into them, and breaking through these barriers can be difficult.

And Dasha and I celebrated our encounter with the policemen well at McDonald's and went home. We slept until 11 AM, but it was worth it.

I love you, dear, it's interesting to live with you!

Focus: Sin or Love?

I have some small reflections about Jesus Christ, and how the Gospel story about Him changed my perception of life.

I understand that I lived by the Rules of the Law for quite a long time. And these Rules always spoke of condemnation. Only the perfect man could avoid condemnation. If you break the law, you are guilty. Fear of the law, fear of mistakes, life is measured by inaction. The way out of this state is death. No man - no mistakes. No man - no violation of the law.
But who is that superhuman who strives not to violate and does not violate?
In my opinion - a fanatic, a pragmatic idealist. A man who put one single desire at the core of his life - not to make mistakes and not to be condemned. I'm writing now and I'm trembling all over. That's how I tried to live, such reactions and patterns of behavior I developed within myself.

The alternative that Jesus Christ brought to me:
Be free from sin, stop putting it first. If your eye is only on this sin and looks - then this fills your whole life.
And here Jesus walks the earth, talks to "sinners", without paying attention to their sins. Not dividing people by this criterion. He seems to say - it doesn't matter. This is not life itself. He says Be Love. He Loves.

And in my life, I sometimes face a choice - to break the law or to love.
To fulfill a duty, or to go play with the children. To focus on the bad or on the good. Or to refuse the good, because with the good - sin.

Because with every good deed, with every act of love, evil and sin go together. And I think that I should not stop love, because of a sin next to it. But we must fight against sin, so that there is less and less of it in our love.

Here's a man lying drunk on the grass, we came to him, lifted him up, helped him get home. He come into the house and beat his wife, swore at the children.
Did we become accomplices to the crime?

Farewell to Winter

A couple of weeks ago there was a very lovely winter.
We spent our time going for walks and tasting it.
And Ksyusha brought and gave me a Turba gum out of the blue. I found it in my pocket, and it was as if I returned to childhood.
The same taste! It was magical.
But now, you can't find snow anywhere, which is why I made a 2-minute video.
Enjoy watching everyone!

Through the snow-covered forest

And you know, I went into the woods. I just walked. Then I just hugged a tree. Then my memories took me back to childhood and, full of joy, I made a snowball, threw it at the tree, then another one, and another. And not a single one hit. I calmed down and went to shake a spruce branch so that the snow would fall. Then I hugged the tree again. And in the end, I destroyed a pile of snow. I really liked it. One hour in the woods, but so much warmth. So much simple and joyous.

Kayaking under the snow

A lot, a lot of different events.
But I will share with you my journey on a kayak under the snow.

If you have any questions, feel free to ask.
I will be happy to share my impressions.

Kayaking with Ksusha

Today I still have a minute-long video of Ksyusha and I kayaking, and she was rowing.

Fog at dawn

Today I had my first Self-Retreat
Lake is 10 minutes from home, the entire journey took 2.5 hours.
The video I edited is 2 minutes long. Many wonderful moments had to be expressed.
Enjoy watching.