freedom ⁽²⁾

Today, I've encountered several times the value of my knowledge in augmented reality. I tasted the flavor of the money revolving around the topic I was working on. In our small town, an AR application was developed to animate a historical castle for 50,000 dollars. For some reason, I felt that money should have been in my pocket. Later, I consulted an American acquaintance about the logic of AR applications and the construction of user experience. And a few days ago, I conducted my first paid English consultation on AR application development.

It's striking how different this is from what I'm doing now. There, I felt like an expert; here, I'm like a freshman loser. Over there, it smells like money; here, it resonates with purpose. There, I'm at the forefront of technology, but the sources of my knowledge here are Socrates and the psychoanalysts of the past centuries.

Perhaps this internal struggle within me hasn't fully resolved yet. But one question, what would I do if I had less than a year to live, directs me to where I am now. Here, where I am close to my sense of purpose, to my desires, to real life. Here, where I can genuinely talk to you about what's genuinely and cosmically significant.

Understanding oneself allows making decisions again and again. Over and over, choosing one's path. Counteracting determinism with freedom. And using it.

Kierkegaard took the title from the words of Apostle Paul:

"Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose." (Philippians 2:12‐13).

From the very first pages, one is captivated by scenarios of how the journey of Abraham and Isaac to Mount Moriah might have unfolded, where Abraham was supposed to kill his son.

However, what follows are rather intricate and distressing topics for my understanding.

The Leap of Faith (absurdity of faith) - a paradox that eternally connects God and Man, deeply internally and subjectively.

Behind this relationship lies intense tension and trust (as seen in Abraham), and these relations stand above any Ethics or Morality. Only a person becomes the measure for themselves, and no outsider can advise them. For Abraham is either the prophet of faith (in this paradox) or a crazed murderer.

The responsibility of such relationships lies solely on the individual; they cannot pass it for group verification. And one cannot unite on this path with another human.

On a level that I could grasp: The risk that a person might err in their faith does not justify the community's standard solution in verifying these individual relationships with God.

It's better to have that freedom, that threat, and that monumental responsibility which will remain with the individual in these relationships.

The mystery of God - appears much more truthful than the literal dissection of God.