friendship ⁽³⁾

Recalled today, how earlier Dasha would come to me with her various thoughts and feelings, hoping that I could understand her. In those moments, I literally glowed with honor because I had long understood everything. Taking the opportunity, I laid out all my understanding to her, with examples and advice... But, alas, this was not it. My "understanding" was a barrier to true understanding. And true understanding is born, grows, and blossoms through sincere non-understanding.

Because it is impossible to fit a living person into the frame of one’s views and templates, much as one would like to.

This is what I mean. Especially now, talking about serious and deep things, I really want to deeply understand you and deep understanding (or at least sincere non-understanding) from your side.

These thoughts and a wonderful verse I borrowed today, from the priest and psychotherapist Vladimir Shkoda

Acceptance, understanding, and love. These are the three pillars on which my personal world now stands.

Every day, I try to think about how much I accepted, understood, and loved others today. And finding these things, they please me and give me hope.

Sometimes it doesn’t work out: you don’t accept, don’t understand, don’t love. It's painful of course, but I hold on to the fact that God accepts, understands, and loves me as imperfect, as human, as alive. It’s warm from this.

Here the circle is closed. And it's good outside and inside.

What are your KPIs of effectiveness?

There are moments when people in a family stand on different sides of the border. They choose different countries, different life circumstances, different values. And they have reasons for that. And the distance between them is increasing. The arguments of each half are strong, understandable, related to personal sense. There is nothing to oppose.

And here you as an outsider talk to one of the halves. You sit, you agree, you find additional arguments to support the interlocutor. Everything is logical, everything is right. And with every agreement of yours, this distance between the halves is increasing.

With each such agreement, a person increasingly chooses himself, not the family. Turns into a stone, which is hard to move from its position, from its vision. The distance is increasing.

But if you disagree, find the truth in the arguments and senses of the other half (not the one you are talking to now). This can already give cracks to that stoniness. And the person will ask himself: Where is my desire? Where is my love? What can I do for this love? Can I, sensibly, make a choice against myself, but for this love?

And maybe then someone of them will say, “I do not agree with you, it is very difficult for me, but I love you. I will take a step towards you, so that you feel the warmth of my love. Do not be afraid of me, I am not against you. We are different, but I wish you good...."

Such acts are worthy of peace, love, acceptance. About such people, we could write books and build monuments to them in their lifetime.

Let's not agree with our interlocutors, let's find the truth on the other side as well.

Let the stoniness of arguments give a crack. Let love reign!